Taking Rein of Your Fate, A personal essay, Althea Romeo Mark

By: aromaproductions on 7:51 PM

Share it Please

Tweet

Taking Rein of Your Fate

(for Granny Willette) 

In a family, there is always someone who leads.  Molded by the era and circumstances in which they lived, these family leaders were not necessarily saints and may appear to be the devil to some. But when we think back to their lives, it is with admiration.

My maternal grandmother, the tall, brown, buxom, Alvina Willette-Moses, was one of those—a person whose life we look back on and say, “She wasn’t easy.” Each child and grandchild will interpret her actions through their interaction with her and through stories they heard. We, her grandchildren, called her Granny Willette. She is our personal legend.                               

Granny Willette was born in 1901 on the Caribbean island of Nevis, to Anna Elisabeth Hendrikson-Willette, a mixed-race Nevisian of Scottish-African descent. She was fifteen years old when World War I started in 1914. It was a war in which the United Kingdom and its Empire were entangled until it ended in 1918.

Caribbean people faced “hard times,” as everyone was dragged into “The Great War.” It was a difficult social and economic environment. An extract published by Marjorie H. Morgan in 2013 states that:

 Although there was no conscription in WWI many West Indian soldiers joined the army as the result of financial and social pressures rather than out of patriotic duty. Patriotism was still high in the colonies after years of colonial rule. The paternalistic culture, language, education and social systems were all modeled on the British way of life. For many West Indians fighting for England was the same as fighting for their individual island, and the wage offered by the army was an immediate solution to the desperate poverty and high unemployment in the area

 (Caribbean: The Cultural and Biographical Directory).[1] 

           Caribbean men were faced with poverty and unemployment and it was a dire time for families who depended on them.  And the “poor-house,” awaited women, who had no men to depend on, unless they employed a survival strategy.

A decade later the Great Depression began. It was the worst and most widespread depression of the 20th century. Caribbean Island folks, as many people around the world, “jumped economically from the frying pan into the fire.”

 Black Caribbean men and women did not stray far from their African roots. Information gathered from studies on Caribbean culture and history has proven that they had adopted the polygamous ways of their ancestors. The men did not live in large compounds with small huts to accommodate each wife, but they lived in small villages and often had several partners. Many women were single mothers. Common-law marriages occurred more frequently than Christian marriages.  This contradiction did not affect church attendance and churches were packed on Sundays. In addition, many Caribbean men, who had traveled to other Caribbean islands and Central and South America to seek employment or search for gold (in Surinam and former British Guiana, for example), had abandoned existing families and started new ones in their adopted homes.

 Alvina Willette-Moses, being a single mother of four children, had to live by her wits. She raised two daughters, Agnes, Daisy (my mother) and two sons Neville and Anderson. An independent woman, she had a dominating personality which, I am sure, contributed to the brevity of her relationships with partners.  Granny did not back down when she took a stand. She was a lover of life, a feisty, yet a caring woman.

Although born in the countryside in Nevis, Granny had more of an urban personality. She was an avid reader in a generation that had had few opportunities and little education. Her favorite genre of books was detective novels. Granny also enjoyed the cinema, loved music, and in her early 70s studied Spanish and had planned to take driving lessons before the loss of her leg to diabetes interrupted her dream.

Granny had many professions.  She was a self-employed seamstress who taught her daughters Daisy and Agnes to sew. Trained as a practical nurse, she worked as a prison guard in St. Kitts.  Later in her life, on St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands, she looked after a retired medical doctor who suffered from dementia.

She led, did not follow. Granny influenced the lives of her children and grandchildren in many ways.

                              

 

Agnes, Granny’s eldest, sewed for a living in St. Kitts before moving to St. Thomas after her husband’s death. There, she worked as a salesperson while continuing her sewing.  My mother, Daisy, took up crocheting and embroidery and sold doilies for center tables and sets for chair backs. She knitted a dress, which in my opinion, was an exceptional work of art, a treasure that disappeared after her death. 

A sewing machine was ever-present in our home. My mother also sent my younger sister, Arlene, and me to sewing classes in French Town, St. Thomas, during the summer holidays. I still remember lessons on sewing hems and think of those special stitches today when I, reluctantly, hem my pants.  As teenagers, Arlene and I bought sewing patterns because ready-made dresses were expensive and we made outfits to wear at social events if they turned out successfully. My mother shook her head in dismay and annoyance when we discarded our sewing failures.

Has my grandmother’s interest in sewing died with our generation?  We are artists of different sorts. Some grandchildren still have a keen interest in handicrafts.  Her granddaughters, Grace and I, are embroiderers of words— poetry and prose.

I believe Granny Willette dreamed of being a pianist.  She kept a piano in her living room on which Arlene and I pounded out tunes and she had paid for our mother’s piano lessons. My mother, in turn, enrolled our brother, Lloyd, in music school.  I missed his first recital because I was hospitalized with tonsillitis. Granny Willette’s dream has been fulfilled by Dawn, her granddaughter, who is a jazz singer and music teacher, in Vancouver, Canada

 Was it Granny Willette, the leader who inspired my mother, Daisy Marsh-Romeo to become a teacher? Was it Granny Willitte’s role as an avid reader? Did she inspire her grandchildren, too?

In her early twenties, my mother moved to English Harbour, Antigua to get to know her father’s family. English Harbour, a small village, had no school; so she started one. 

The school, Cobscross Primary, played an important role in educating the village children and was later taken over by the Antiguan government after it had grown beyond my mother’s financial means. Even to this day, although my mother is deceased, everyone who grew up at that time in English Harbour, remembers her as “Teacher Daisy.”

After my family moved to St. Thomas, my mother had no papers that qualified her to teach. She went to night school while working in a bakery during the day and completed her GED[2]. She then began to work as a teacher’s assistant and continued to do so until her retirement. 

Should I say teaching is in our DNA? My sister, Arlene and I are educators and Arlene’s daughter, Katysha, is one, too. And so are my daughters Malaika and Cassandra, who lecture at Universities in the USA and Switzerland. My first cousin, Jean, is also in the field of nurturing minds.

 

My older brother Lloyd’s most potent memory of his grandmother is as a caring nurse.  He remembers that when he lived with Granny Willette in St. Kitts, she had “spoiled him rotten.” My mother had left him in Granny’s care when she went away to join her father’s family in Antigua.  She later sent for Lloyd to join her.  

He remembers that Granny Willette saved our mother’s life when she was near death, during her second pregnancy. Our mother had been in hospital in St. Johns, Antigua for an extended period.  

My father visited her regularly and Lloyd recalls that one Sunday father took him to visit our mother. When Lloyd saw her, he screamed and refused to go to her. He was nine at the time. In his eyes, she was a dying woman.  Our mother then told my father to send for Granny Willette which took some weeks because of mail and boat service. Upon arriving in Antigua, Granny Willette went directly to the hospital and on seeing her daughter, she yelled, “You killing my child.”    She took our mother out of the hospital and nursed her at home in English Harbour.  Sometime later Granny Willette witnessed our mother and my brother speaking together, he without fear. She told my father that our mother would live. Our mother did indeed live but the child, a baby girl, died.

My grandmother, the practical nurse, did not live to witness her granddaughters and grandson become healers. Her daughter, my Aunt Agnes, who is now 95 years old, is in the good hands of three daughters who are nurses: Claudette, Linetta and Grace, the poet.  Alex, her grandson, is a psychologist.

           

 

My sister, Arlene and I remember Granny Willette taking us to the cinema. One particular horror movie, called The Tree, scared us so much that we remember it to this day. The tree, which grows in a graveyard, comes to life and grabs and strangles unsuspecting victims.  The experience is so embedded in my memory, I wrote the poem below about it.

 

 

TheTree

 

My grandmother,

a fan of horror movies,

took my sister and me

to see a film called “The Tree.”

 

The Tree has taken root,

lives in my dreams,

branches torture,

vines tighten round

my throat and choke.

 

Twigs pin me down

when I am indecisive.

 

I have learned

to fight in my dreams,

to fight for my dreams.

 

Grandmother was not subtle.

Her passion for all things

she believed in was untamed

whether dictating her wishes,

defending her loves,

 her choice of lovers

 when life was “TheTree.”

 

         

 Granny Willette was not afraid of a good fight. My sister, Arlene, remembers that she told us stories of getting into the bands[3] at Christmas in St. Kitts with a stick to beat anyone whom she perceived as her enemy.

She got married for the first time at the age of sixty. My sister and I were her flower girls but she was happy only for a short time.

 Her best friend, Dora, became her worst enemy after she had had affairs with Granny’s husband, Mr. Moses. This serious betrayal led to a series of battles. On one occasion, Granny met Dora in the street and began to beat her. Dora fled to our home to complain and the fight ended on our porch and left a broken glass shutter in our living room window. It was also rumored that Granny boarded up Dora in her own house.  Dora had seen her coming and fled inside. She and Dora went to court so many times that the judge threatened to put them both in jail if they returned.

 My aunt-in-law learned the hard way that if you offended Granny you became her enemy. This conflict led to a frightening confrontation.  If you disagreed with her, you had to be prepared for a verbal battle or an assault. I remember Granny chasing my mother with a broom during a disagreement and Granny pursuing me with a broom because I was disobedient.

Granny’s relationships with her partners did not last. Yet she loved to play the role of match-maker with her own family.  Did her efforts succeed?  Of course not! Perhaps partnering was not her talent.

 

            My first cousin, Grace (Aunt Agnes’ daughter), remembers Granny Willette as a bold, brash, unforgettable force who took no sh-t.  Granny was always well-dressed. On a particular occasion, Grace recalls her wearing a belted white dress that accentuated her tall figure. Her breasts (which Grace always admired since she had tiny ones) were thrust upward as Granny held herself erect.

 She looked proud, like a ship in full sail, and was wearing high-heeled, red shoes and carried a red clutch to match. Her hair was pressed and she wore red lipstick.  Granny looked awesome and Grace was proud at that moment that she was her grandmother.  Grace’s mother, on the other hand, never wore make-up and was the exact opposite of my grandmother in dress and personality.

Grace remembers that Granny Willette’s voice was “sweet” not gruff or harsh. However, she could give a tongue-lashing with that same “sweet” voice. Grace sometimes hid from Granny when she stayed at her house after school. She remembers that Granny was very strict and her demeanor, in the eyes of a six-year-old, was quite stern but Granny had never hurt her.

             After hearing stories about Granny’s life, Grace’s perception of her was that Granny knew what she wanted and took the steps needed to follow her dreams. When Granny was a young woman it seemed that if you did not show strength of character, people took advantage of you. Granny was not one to back down.

Like Grace, we, her grandchildren, carry Granny Willette with us whether we want to or not.  She reminds us to stand up for ourselves and be bold.

Our mother, Daisy, was often embarrassed by Granny’s conduct. My sister, Arlene and I, at times, wondered how Granny Willette had raised her and Aunt Agnes. Granny Willette’s personality and behavior contrasted with those of her more reserved daughters.

 Our mother, however, retained some of Granny’s personality. Our mother did not fight or brawl, but if you slighted her, she would tell you immediately.  She could not keep such offenses bottled up.

 

We, the grandchildren closest to Granny Willette, remember her as an independent woman ahead of her time. She made a living for herself and supported four children. We, therefore, admire her tenacity, her fearless approach to life. Although she may have been brash, we stand in awe of her.

Sadly, after Granny lost her leg, the loss of independence broke her spirit.  She died soon after in 1978.

            We plant seeds unknowingly, unconsciously.  It is our actions that inspire and motivate.  Granny taught her children and grandchildren to fight for their beliefs and to take their fate in their own hands.

 © 04.01.2015 Althea Romeo-Mark

Born in Antigua, West Indies, Althea Romeo-Mark is an educator and internationally published writer who grew up in St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands. She has lived and taught in St. Thomas, Virgin Islands, USA, Liberia, England, and in Switzerland since 1991. She has published six collections of poems. 

 

 Bibliography

 

Caribbean Britain: The Cultural and Biographical Directory by Marjorie H Morgan © 2013

 Caribbean Society: Kinship, Domestic organization, Mating forms. http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045000167.html#D

My Mother Who Fathered Me: A Study of the Family in Three Selected Communities in Jamaica. Clarke, Edith.  London: Allen & Unwin. 1957

 The Family System of Jamaica. Social and Economic Studies. Davenport, William H. 1961 10:420−454.

Footnotes

---

[1] Majorie H. Morgan. Caribbean Britain: The Cultural and Biographical Directory. © 2013

 

[2] General Education Diploma

[3] In the carnival season, during the day, carnival troupes, a group or club wearing costumes on a special theme, parade behind a steel band and entertain onlookers with their unique dance moves. This is often referred to as “playing mas.” (b) At night, anyone can follow a steel band as it parades up and down Caribbean city streets.  Babies are said to be conceived nine months after these carefree nights of “jamming to steel bands.”